Soccer contradicts many of our core, red-blooded American values.
Ties are often an acceptable, if not preferred outcome. For example, if Team USA ties Germany Thursday, they advance to the next round.
Americans are obsessed with winners and losers. It’s a byproduct of the capitalistic society in which we live.
The demographics of this nation are altering rapidly, and that frightens some people. According to the 2013 census, the U.S. projects to be a majority minority country as soon as 2043.
The rising popularity of soccer serves as a tangible representation of that change. Sunday’s World Cup match between the U.S. and Portugal out-rated the NBA Finals, World Series and Stanley Cup. The MLS possesses an eight-year, $720 million TV contract with ESPN, Fox Sports and Univision that will begin next year.
To some far right-wingers, soccer is way more than a sport. It’s a symbol for the minority-friendly, gay-loving direction that America is supposedly heading towards.
Their country is being taken from them, as evidenced by the fact that most of the working population will take a siesta Thursday afternoon to watch the U.S. and Germany. Who are we, Spain?
Syndicated columnist Ann Coulter articulated those beliefs in a tidy, 936-word column Wednesday titled, “Any growing interest in soccer a sign of nation’s moral decay.”
She bemoans that soccer seems to be the ultimate team sport, and no individual player gets blamed for a team’s loss like he would in football, baseball, basketball or hockey:
“In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child’s fragile self-esteem is bruised. There’s a reason perpetually alarmed women are called ‘soccer moms,’ not “football moms.”
Coulter also implies she primarily watches sports for their warlike aspects, probably because she hasn’t been able to get her fix anywhere else under the allegedly weak, socialist and coddling Obama regime. Soccer doesn’t feature enough violence for her. If we’re not going to bomb the Russians out of Ukraine, surely we can at least have our athletes get carried off in stretchers at the end of games:
“The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare.
“In hockey, there are three or four fights a game — and it’s not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.”
She also mentions that soccer players can’t use their hands, which in case you didn’t know, apparently takes away the only trait that separates us from wild beasts.
The other, tired arguments are there: Soccer fans try to force-feed their game to others, it’s not going to catch on in America just like the metric system didn’t and it’s forever going to be the “sport of the future.”
On second thought, this reads less like an angry, white conservative’s rantings and more like a Dan Shaughnessy column.
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