A sample couples page

Facebook has officially jumped the shark. The social network has announced the launch of couples pages, pulling in every photo of the couple, event they’ve attended together and wall post to each other, complete with a profile picture and cover photo.

Cue the groans.

Why, Facebook? Why do you do this to us? Stick with what you’re good at: a platform for the politically opinionated to rant about how pissed they are that Obama won another term, and a tool to check out the hot girl from high school’s beach vacation photo album. I know what my boyfriend and I look like; I don’t need a Facebook page to find out.

The couples profiles only work for those listed as “in a relationship” on Facebook. If you’re one of those people, go to Facebook.com/us to see your shared profile. It’s undeletable, although Facebook does allow you to control what posts are seen in your shared profile. If you’re single, or just too cool to be “in a relationship” online, Facebook saves you from the torture of these couples shrines.

Obviously, I think these couples pages one of the dumbest things the internet has ever given us, second to only to lolcats. What happens when you break up? Did you ever think about that, Zuckerberg? No, you’re all happily married to your cute Harvard love, not worried about what happens to those of us doomed to be cat ladies.

The only conceivable person who would enjoy the couples profiles are the obnoxious girls who post “I <3 mY hOT bOyFrIeNd” statuses every hour. And high schoolers (which are often one in the same). And maybe your mom likes them too, because she just can’t get enough of the photos of you two at the pumpkin patch last month. But the line is drawn there.

In honor of the new couples pages, here is a slideshow of “Annoying Facebook Couple” memes. You can bet that they love the new feature.