This is it. No more talking about what you should do. Now it’s time to start doing.
As someone who hates resolutions, if you made plans to nab the girl of your dreams, you’re going to get the how-to right now. No more excuses.
When it comes to accomplishing things in life these days, we always think we need the best [insert useless item here].
There are so many productivity apps out there yet little still gets done.
By doing all the other “little” things, we feel like we’re making progress but the reality is we’re not doing anything and avoiding the necessary “big” things, like flirting with a woman. Below are some of the “big” things that will get you “big” wins like numbers, dates, and yes, even a girlfriend.
Let’s get to work.
Approaching a Woman
It’s no surprise some men experience anxiety when approaching a woman. Not only is she gorgeous but when you spend 60+ hours a week in front of computer, pretending you’re connected to the world, yet haven’t talked to anyone face-to-face since New Year’s Eve, every experience you have talking to someone new becomes that much harder.
Allow me to introduce you to the 3 C’s Strategy. There’s only one rule with this strategy: If you have the first two, the last one doesn’t matter.
Context. We all have a limiting belief that it’s hard to meet people because it’s too random and would feel much more likely to initiate if there was a commonality that existed. What if you could create that commonality? The reality is we’re all connected in some way.
In order to find this commonality is to be aware of the environment around you. Is she wearing something interesting? If at the bookstore, is she reading anything? At the bar, what is she drinking? Use the information you get as gateways to initiating conversation. When you create context, it becomes easier to connect with someone and you no longer are “that random guy.”
Confidence. Confidence is an emotion. It’s not something you can buy — it comes from motion, just like any emotion. Your body language is the key component to your overall success in dating. But if confidence is emotional, how can you spark that mentality in the moment?
Physically, you do this by smiling, keeping your hands out of your pockets, avoid fidgeting, putting your drink by your side, not at your chest, and standing up straight — just to name a few. Verbally, you do this by simply talking to other people, no matter who they are. We’ve seen that talking to anyone will increase your ability to initiate conversations with attractive women due to progressive desensitization of your anxiety.
Put the two together, and not only will you be projecting good, confidence vibes out to the ladies, but also spark your internal confidence through the very actions you take.
Context. While this really doesn’t matter at this point, it’s still important to tell you that you can say anything to a woman. Don’t let your imaginations run wild — keep it simple. Whether meeting a woman at the bar, at the Starbucks or the next startup party, you can simply walk up some any woman and say, “Hi.” After introducing yourself and using the contextual information you acquired before approaching her, you can then create a topic of conversation, which will save you time worrying about what to say next.
So you made your approach — congrats! Now, how do you not only let her know you like her, without freaking her out? What if I told you flirting hasn’t changed since you pushed over that cutie in the sandbox in pre-school? The dynamic hasn’t changed. It’s important to understand that in order to let a woman know you are romantically interested in her, you must display that physically and verbally. If you’re always wondering about always being in the dreaded “friend’s zone,” this might be your game changer.
A simple strategy to flirting is to balance complimenting with teasing and amplify the dynamic by touching. Of course, there is a progression that takes place, starting from social touching to friendly, to romantic but the key is keep progressing. Without touching or any type of physical closeness, you’re just two people having friendly conversation.
For those who are afraid of touching women, let me say this: When you talk a good game and can’t back it up physically, you become inconsistent with your intentions with women. As a result, women will either find you creepy, not think you actually like her, or worse, place you in that “friend zone.” Actually, what would be worse is if she liked you and became frustrated because she couldn’t read your mixed signals. The physical part of the flirting is the most important part and something you’ll have to get over if you want to make the types of connections you want with women.
Always Be Closing
Whether you’re interested in her romantically or just as a friend, get in the habit of asking to see her again. Notice I didn’t say “get her number.” We put so much pressure on ourselves to “get the digits,” when in reality, you’re just putting another barrier in front of what you really want — a date. When you directly ask for a date, if she’s interested, getting her number just becomes a logistic. Keep in mind these 3 important points when asking someone out.
1. Be specific. When you say to a woman, “let’s hang out sometime,” do you think that gets her excited? No — she’ll probably think you say that to every woman you’re interested in. Instead, have something specific in mind for her, including time, like, “I’d love to show you that Thai place this Friday.” When you tailor a date to her, it’ll make her feel special. And the more specific you are, the more likely she’ll agree — AND commit — if she’s into you.
2. Make it a suggestion, not a question. When you ask anyone a yes or no question, you give them the opportunity to say no. Instead, make a affirmative statement that you’d like to take her out. Once again, it makes her more likely to say yes, when it’s a suggestion she can go with.
PROTIP: Studies have shown when you add a reason to why you’re asking or suggesting something, people are more likely to agree or comply with you. For example, “You’re really cool. I’d love for us to grab drinks this weekend. It’s so refreshing to meet someone with such a positive attitude.”
3. Don’t leave after getting what you want. Most guys will immediately end the conversation and leave after getting her number. The problem is women get this sleazy feeling because in their minds, they think the only reason you talked to them was to get their number. Doing that is the equivalent of offering to buy a woman a drink, waiting for the bartender serve you, and her leaving as soon as she gets it. Both are objectifying and leave a bad taste in your mouth. Don’t do it.
The most important part of connecting with women is to be authentic and genuine. When you’re honest and tell the truth — no matter how much it may freak you out — you give yourself the best chance at her becoming attracted to who you really are. Always remember, vulnerability is at the core of confidence and sometimes all it takes is making a move. A bold move.
Keep it simple and make it happen in 2013.