We all know that HubSpot is awesome and we should be proud that they call Boston home.  We also know that HubSpot wants to “go big or go home,” is aiming to go public, and is going all-out to hire the best engineers in town.

Many companies in Cambridge and Boston now know all too well what this means: they’ll attempt to recruit every single engineer in your company, and will use their scale and vision – but mostly their bounty program and other wonderful perks – to woo people into their fold.

So, if you find yourself one less engineer thanks to HubSpot, here’s how you’re going to get your revenge:  Refer every single engineer in your company to apply to a job there. That’s right. Send them your engineers.

Here’s what this will do:

  1. You’ll get $10K for every one of your engineers they hire. If nothing else, you should get the referral fee if they take one of your people.
  2. Your best engineers will become finalists and get a free iPad. Then stop interviewing. Hello employee benefit.
  3. Ensure a few of your best engineers are actually willing to accept a position at HubSpot, where their first order of business will be to spend $4k on their brand new workstation. Then they’ll quit, forcing HubSpot to lose valuable desk space to all that extra equipment. YES!
  4. You’ll overwhelm their “no company is off-limits” recruiters, frustrate them, and make them work even longer hours than they already do. They’ll get so tired, they’ll break down and start hiring all of the C players in town, thus saving you from making a hiring mistake.

Of course, you’ll want to prep your engineers to do well in their interview process.  So, make sure they know how to drop Grateful Dead references casually in conversation (Ya know…casual like.  Recruiter, “Why do you want to join HubSpot?”  Engineer:  “Well, I’m a great coder.  And, nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile.”), and spend a few hours beefing up their frat lingo and beer pong skills.

Rest assured, very few of your engineers will actually end up at HubSpot, because your company is pretty killer – and it’s well known that 92% of people associate the color orange with napalm.

Dave Balter is CEO of Bzzagent and Executive Chairman of Smarterer.

UPDATE: This feud has been meme-ified and you can win a $50 gift card to Eastern Standard for participating!