All this week we’ll be counting down to the Mayan calendar apocalypse 2012 with the oddest, most inexplicable news headlines from around the world that portend a possible total blackout come Friday, December 21–the alleged end of the Mayan calendar. Perhaps you truly believe the Mayan calendar that the end is coming in 2012; or perhaps all this doomsday hoopla is making you wish it would. There’s a fine line between reporting the news and manufacturing the hype–this week is all about reporting the hype. Now all I’ll say is this: If the Mayan apocalypse is indeed bringing the world to an end in 2012, at least we’ll have Google Maps to get us there.

Without further ado, I give you a Today’s Sign of the Mayan Apocalypse.

Russians, Serbians Paying Big Money for Doomsday Safe Haven

Where will you be when the Mayan apocalypse descends upon us this Friday? Going about your daily life as if the end of days isn’t nigh, getting drinks with friends or ironically watching ‘Doomsday Preppers’ in your footy pajamas? Silly you. The end is near indeed, and you are not prepared.

If you were smart, you’d be packing in to a hundred-foot hole in the ground or checking in to a mystical mountainside castle. Sound far-fetched? Eager apocalypse-avoiders in Serbia and Moscow are paying upwards of $1,000 apiece for just such an honor.

According to Yahoo!, rates for the  Balasevic hotel, a “160-bed, Communist-era Millennium Hotel on the slopes of Mount Rtanj,” skyrocketed for the days surrounding December 21. The hotel is now completely sold out, despite the exorbitant cost of more than $600 per night.

The reason is simple: The region, the story goes, is without a doubt the best place to weather the looming apocalypse because locals swear that the area is flooded with mystical power “since its pyramid-shaped mountain swallowed a castle belonging to a well-to-do sorcerer, trapping him inside.”

According to hotel manager Darko Jovic, people have been calling from the U.S. in hopes of securing a spot, too.

“On December 21, on the summit of Rtanj, we’ll see a beautiful violet and red light that will engulf the planet for about five seconds and they (the aliens) will come,” retired show-business promoter Dragan Milenkovictold told Reuters. “That will mark the beginning of a golden era that will last 1,345 years.”

Wait, aliens are involved now? Seems like an apocalypse would be reason enough to steer clear, but what do I know?

Unfortunately for some lucky 300 people in Moscow, they’ll be too far underground to see any light–violet, red, technicolored or otherwise.

A Cold War-era bunker, reports Yahoo!, will host a 24-hour party to anyone willing to pay $1,000 for the privilege. The digs were built to withstand a nuclear attack, so logic has it the attendees will be completely safe when the world collapses in on itself and ceases to exist.

The party will kick off at Midnight on Thursday, December 20, in the cavernous space 184 feet underground. But if you’re picturing an epic rave as I was, it’s not all glow sticks and glowing green cocktails.

“There’ll be a children’s room with cartoons, for adults there’ll be movies, talks dedicated to the end of the world and tours of the museum,” said bunker tour guide Alexei Pavlovsky.

All I can say is the Mayan apocalypse clock is ticking, and if you don’t have your spot secured in a doomsday daycare or a mountain that swallowed a wizard, there’s no way you’re making it to Saturday. Better bring your footy pajamas.

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