Much like “you don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows,” Dustin Pedroia doesn’t need a stinkin survey to know he’s sexy.
In his controversial new book, Terry Francona disclosed that the Red Sox used a $100,000 marketing research report to discover that fans wanted more “sexy” players like Dustin Pedroia.
“They didn’t need to hire a [expletive] marketing team,” Pedroia said during a locker room interview at spring training Tuesday. “I could have told them that for free … I just started laughing. That’s pretty funny.”
When asked what he did in the offseason, Pedroia revealed the secret behind his allure.
“Straight body building,” he joked. “Can’t you tell?”
“How did that go?” the reporter followed.
“What do you think?” Dustin retorted. “Awesome.”
This isn’t the first time Pedroia has strutted his stuff as a heartthrob. Here are a few of his best quotes about his skills with the ladies.
Pedroia on letting a ball get away in gym class:
“There were usually the shy girls in the back of the gym, and I remember I let one throw go pretty good one time, and it sailed on me, and I smoked this girl. I mean, when that ball hit her, she went down hard. She was a friend of mine and I was like, ‘Oh, shit, I just hammered this girl in the head.’ … [She turned out to be OK]. Then I just continued to kick ass.
Pedroia on proposing to his wife:
“It was fun, and I think she was also excited to see the romantic side of Dustin Pedroia. Seriously, I’m a real pimp.”
Pedroia on his wife preemptively making travel arrangements for the offseason during Game 5 of the 2007 ALCS, which the Sox won:
“I don’t want to throw my wife under the bus for doing that, but I’ll kind of gently roll her under the bus.”
Dustin Pedroia: Gold Glove winner, MVP, sex symbol. Any more questions?
The discovery of this (extremely scientific) marketing survey came through Francona’s book, “Francona: The Red Sox Years,” which came out in January.
According to Francona, who left after the 2011 season, a group met at Fenway in 2010 to discuss the report that the team commissioned after a severe drop in TV ratings.
“[W]omen are definitely more drawn to the ‘soap opera’ and ‘reality-TV’ aspects of the game,” the report allegedly said. “They are interested in good-looking stars and sex symbols” — like Pedroia.
If Pedroia’s a sex symbol, and they need more, where’s MY call up to the big leagues. 5′ 9”? Check. 180? Could definitely get there. Really high hairline? Yup. Able to put on a Laser Show? No, but you said “sexy,” not “MVP.”
Call me, John Henry. I just saved you another $100k. I’ll keep my phone on through the night.