The worst video on the entire internet has been found. It is called, wait for it, Spartan High School Style. No way a Gangam Style video remix can possibly be the worst video on the ENTIRE internet, you say? I was once so naive, poo-pooing the theoretical awfulness of the video. Then, I (very, very regrettably) watched Spartan High School Style. I assure you, it is indeed the worst video in the entire internet, possibly the history of the internet. In an office where no horrible video goes unseen, I remain the only person to make it through this atrocity. For your viewing pleasure, I introduce Spartan High School Style. For your reading pleasure, I broke it down.
The Worst Video on the Entire Internet – Spartan High School Style
Spartan High School Style – Video Breakdown
:12 – Yep, 12 seconds in and I’m 100% certain that I’m going to spend the next 4:06 in a cold sweat. Worst video on the entire internet is sounding pretty accurate already.
:18 – Not wasting ANY time scaling the Everest of awkwardness. This is already more uncomfortable than the time I watched Cruel Intentions with my mom — in theaters. Is a high schooler singing this? Or did they hire Will Ferrell to perform it in his Jacob Silj, voice immodulation character?
:32 – In case you didnt pick up on the previous 31 seconds of hackjob photoshop…this:
:47 – Did she just
sing say, “We’ll bring the wood”? Yes. Was there context? No…
1:03 to 1:09 – Need to meet the director of this bad boy. “Ok, you. You’re going to walk forward. You two, you’re going to walk backward, ten feet in front of her. Ready. Set…”
1:11 – How to lose the respect of your players in 3 seconds…
1:25 – Wait. Is that lunch lady actually smiling? More of her, less of…everything else.
1:34 – Make your intolerable music video, fine, but don’t interrupt some kid when he’s trying to lay down “high school hallway floor study session” game on a co-ed. Sell your stress elsewhere.
1:20 to 1:42 – Soo…this is what happens when you ask rhythmically-challenged music video dancers to dance without the music.
1:44 to 2:13 – NOBODY in those 29 seconds was dancing. Not one person. At best (1:50), they looked like handcuffed convicts with IcyHot in their loins. At worst (1:55), they look like they’re impersonating Fireman Ed.
2:07 – Yep. She said “We’ll bring the wood” a second time. Any context this time? Nope. Still waiting.
2:09 – 2:23 – Hooooly crap. Do less? No. Do nothing.
2:42 – 2:47 : The stress that those three girls are capable of inducing people is literally overwhelming. So overwhelming it might be genius. Just the threat of watching them clodhop to Gangam style could end wars.
3:10 – 3:12 – Am I crazy or was that YMCA? And a feeble YMCA attempt at that.
3:40 – WHOA! That took a Lost-esque turn. It was all a DREAM?! One word: Sellout. You can’t make the worst video on the entire internet then wrap it up with an “it was all a dream” cop out.
3:53 – BOOM! IT’S NOT A DREAM. That girl’s just lazy and sleeps in class!