The Harvard Crimson welcomed students back to campus this week with a slew of statistics on the incoming class. From their estimated post-college salaries to how much money their families regularly roll around in, the numbers behind this year’s Ivy League freshmen will make you cringe—how many millennials bet on banking more than $70,000 their first year out?—and then cry (because they likely will). What the newcomers won’t do, however, is “the dirty.”

Yes, let’s talk about sex, people.

The student newspaper revealed Friday that only 35 percent of the Class of 2017 had sex before coming to Harvard, leading with a joke they’re still dusting the dirt off their shoulders for:

They scored well on the SATs, but it appears Harvard freshmen aren’t quite as good at scoring in bed.

Of the 35 percent who, in the Crimson’s words, have “done the dirty,” 81 percent said they lost their virginity in high school, while 62 percent noted they have had sex with just one partner. Recruited athletes appear to have the whole star quarterback in high school cliche working for them: 53 percent of the brawny bunch fessed up to losing their virginity. Of those not recruited to play a varsity sport, only one-third of incomers admitted to having sex. (Hey, we can’t all be the next Jeremy Lin.)

Other noteworthy statistics:

  • Men were more likely than women to do the deed. On average, men reported to having 1.95 sexual partners as opposed to women’s 1.7.
  • Private school students were more likely to engage in after-hour activities than public school students, merely confirming everything we learned from watching “Gossip Girl.”
  • Not shocking: One of six homeschooled students have had sex.
  • Seven men claimed to have had sex with 10 or more people, proving this survey could be riddled with lies. “Seven,” said a virgin, “that sounds like an impressive number. Let’s click that, just in case someone ends up tracing these answers back to me.”

Has 35 percent of the incoming class actually had sex, or did they lie because they were—as the Crimson suggests—too busy studying for the SATs? They can’t all have mothers posting Craigslist ads looking for their next “sugar baby.”

Although the Class of 2017 might not have stayed up all night to get lucky, they are tossing back the booze. Today’s story also revealed 60 percent of the incoming class has tried alcohol. And of those who have, 35 percent admitted to drinking at least once a month.

One sip of their first Hong Kong scorpion bowl, though, and it will all go downhill. Be safe, and legal, out there kids.