We’re not sure how Santa has historically handled all the data required to make his yearly rounds work, but this morning we received a press release from Saint Nick and Attivio stating his new approach: big data.

I got a chuckle out of this and figured you might too. This is a big get for Attivio, locking down the North Pole as a customer. On the other hand, it’s a bit depressing that the data will be leading to more coal delivered this year. Here’s the release:

Santa Gets a Brand New Bag of Big Data

North Pole deploys new active intelligence platform to know
who’s naughty or nice this holiday season; coal distribution expected to increase

Santa’s Village, North Pole – December 17, 2012 – Frustrated by a lack of insight and integration from elves on the shelves worldwide, Santa has deployed the Active Intelligence Engine® from Attivio to better understand children’s behavior and pinpoint who is really naughty or nice this holiday season.

By ingesting information in all shapes and sizes from millions of sources worldwide, Santa can look at structured data like school report cards, chore charts and detention records alongside unstructured content like texts sent after lights out and unauthorized screen time, to get the whole story on little Nel and little Will.

“Rudolph may guide Santa’s sleigh, but Big Data is driving it,” said Senior North Pole Technology Analyst Albert I. Elf. “Santa’s had to rely on his gut for a long time, which possibly explains his wide girth. With Attivio, he can easily analyze all related information as it comes in so he can make smarter, real-time naughty or nice decisions and significantly impact production and distribution at the North Pole.”

“Santa’s elves are extremely hard working and great at gathering information,” said a North Pole spokesperson. “The struggle is tying it all together to make faster and more informed decisions. Santa doesn’t just want to know that Nel’s grades have slipped; he wants to know why she is falling behind. That kind of insight doesn’t come from one source. It takes a village to gather naughty or nice intelligence, and an engine like Attivio to analyze it.”

Can’t get to the North Pole this year? To learn more about Santa’s new big data intelligence engine, visit  www.attivio.com/solutions